It's Always Fun To Drive In LA

Notice: I *can* be petty. But unfortunately fortunately blessedly, I’m always under the conviction of you-know-Who.

Driving in LA is always an adventure and I had one of those just moments ago. One of the banes of driving here is that there is always someone who is in such a hurry that he/she feels the need to endanger others and I was subject to one of those types of drivers tonight. As often happens in these cases, I ended up passing him. But I couldn’t let it go at that. Here are my words as I passed him: “I still made it past you, Dipsh*t!”

The driver heard me and started to follow me. He pulled up beside me and began detailing a list of my perceived faults.

“You’re bald.” Geez, you think? “You’re ugly, but most of all, you’re stupid. There’s nothing that’s a worse problem than stupid black people.” (He was black, too.) Granted, calling him a “dipsh*t” within earshot was stupid, but I’m quite secure in my intellect, thanks, and I let him know that. He then wanted an inventory: where I went to school, etc. (I have veteran plates and a USAF banner in the back window.) He noted that he was driving a Lexus and that I was driving a Kia, took that to show that he was more successful than I and pulled off. I then followed him and took a photo of his plate to share with you, my good readers. Then he felt the need to start the conversation again, wanting to know why I took the photo.

“To post on my blog, of course.”

“Well, I’m going to take a photo, too,” he said, “And I will post it on my blog and entitle it as such: a stupid, ugly, bald black woman.” I smiled for the camera. (I tried to give him my name—spelled, of course—and my URL, but he had his ear buds in by then.)

It’s amazing the insults that people will throw at you when they perceive that those insults are your insecurities. Bald? Well, duh! And I had a haircut yesterday. (I’ll refrain from inferring any stupidity from that observant declaration.) And any short-haired, nappy-haired, dark-skinned black woman who hasn’t been called ugly at least a gazillion times in her life needs to get out of the house more often. And, while I have been in some straits in recent history, I’m also quite secure in my achievements in life. I’ve never been tried not to be the type to lord my blessings over others and I like my (new) job. (And my car is paid for.)

However, I know that I shouldn't have called the man a ‘dipsh*t.'

Man driving a light-cream colored Lexus with California license plates 5MXV639, I’m sorry that I called you a dipsh*t. Can we be friends? No, I don’t want a date; you’re not my type (and I’m obviously not yours), but one can never have too many friends nor too few enemies. You should drive more carefully and considerately, however. <--couldn't help it

By the way, in spite of his CIA aspersions cast upon Pajamas Media (my employer), I certainly hope that Tony Pierce wasn’t Mr. Lexus.

(Thanks to Marc Danziger, one of the classiest guys in the blogosphere)

AFTERTHOUGHT: If there are any LAPD/CHP/LA County Sheriff types reading this, don't hassle the guy; I started it (sort of). If you must stop him, give him my URL and point him to my apology (using his plate number).

UPDATE: Tony say that it "wasn't me." Another blessing. Additionally he notes that he never actually said that Pajamas Media was funded by the CIA. Noted and logged.

Comments

[tony]

being bald myself i doubt i would have said something like that.

plus i would have recognized you and welcomed you to my crazy town.

until this summer i rode the bus everywhere (thus my blog is the busblog), but a friend sold me his toyota for $800, and offer i couldnt refuse, so thats what im driving these days.

and i do it slowly.

as for the cia... i never said cia.

[torchy]

Sounds like that douche (better expletive than dipshit) is the one who doesn't get out enough. To risk a confrontation with someone who proudly displays their military background must mean he expects every soldier to stand down while he slanders them or he's impartial to leadened holes being opened in his body. I thought a southern cali freeway wasn't exactly the place to try to bust on a complete stranger. Have those roadside snipers-in-training enlisted or just deserted their posts. Guess we can't expect derelicts to terrorize anyone.
This guy is probably correct in assuming a soldiers honor would prevent him/her from engaging in a pointless confrontation. We're all convicted by I-know-who and also by the law which is closer to godliness (if you don't have belief in you-know-Who) than prideful confrontations based only in malicious gainsaying. A calm soldier is closer to God than a antagonizing proselytizer

[Francis W. Porretto]

Calling a spade a spade is always licit and often a public service, dear. BlueSpeak (tm) has its place; ask any engineer. It's just badly overused.

[Ruth H]

Juliette, remind me if I ever drive in LA to never, absolutely never, get in your way! I think this is hilarious. As a black male he should know not to mess with a woman, black or white!! We have our ways. Doesn't have to do with military, doesn't have to do with color, it has to do with femaleness. WE HAVE THE LAST WORD!! Always.

[baldilocks]

Thinking about it this morning, the guy reminded me of the Danny Glover character ("Mister") in the movie "The Color Purple," especially when he kept hurling the ugly and bald stuff over and over again, as if that would make me start crying or something. It was kind of surreal.

[Cobb]

That fool's mama didn't raise him right. Bombaclat.

[Xixi]

We handle metro DC beltway traffic by closing the car windows and listening to the classical radio station. Soothes the nerves and I'm learning to recognize orchestras even, i.e., Musika Antiqua aus Koln has a tinny sound because of those old antique instruments they play. I make up names for pieces I don't recognize, i.e., Lobotomy in F flat by Juergen Der Schwanz. It's a lot more fun to drive here now that I've started this game.

[Maggie45]

You're so funny. lol. I used to find it hard to keep my mouth shut and my face straight, but having two guys almost run me off the road one night, I learned to just let others do what they will in moving vehicles, and get out of their way. Actually, I still find it hard to keep my mouth shut, and my face straight. lol

[Keith P]

That's funny. Used to work in L.A. Be carefull J. Some of those
drivers are kinda nasty when riled. I like short hair myself.
You are kinda cute, not ugly.

[Keith P]

That's funny. Used to work in L.A. Be carefull J. Some of those
drivers are kinda nasty when riled. I like short hair myself.
You are kinda cute, not ugly.

[Keith P]

That's funny. Used to work in L.A. Be carefull J. Some of those
drivers are kinda nasty when riled. I like short hair myself.
You are kinda cute, not ugly.

[Lisa]

What a bonehead. Those drivers irk the hell out of me. Imagine, you or I having the audacity to think that *we* are actually important or that *we* might actually have to get some place as well. I can't stand morons like that...
Glad you "dipsh*tted" him!

[Toren]

How bizarre. Doesn't that man have any taste in women? I've seen your pic, you look great!
(And as a side note, I drive in San Francisco, and I know exactly how drivers in some cities can make you crazy.)

[beautifulatrocities]

It wasn't me either! I can't BELIEVE you started that shit, Baldy. I always let them by, because I don't know what kinda phreaky-ass karma is behind the other wheel, or which side of the edge they're on.

[baldilocks]

BA: Did you have some work done? 'Cause I could have sworn that you were some Jon Stewart-lookin white dude. :-P

Au contraire, mon ami--he didn't know about MY "karma."

[og]

Not like you need it, but I got frequent flyer miles and a chicago phone directory. I could arrange a Chicago Tuneup. Nobody in my arm's reach calls you ugly, or stupid, or anything but Ma'am.

[beautifulatrocities]

Seriously, Baldy, it was very unwise. A friend did something similar, & the lunatic became so enraged he almost ran her off the road. For all you know, he could've been up 2 days on crystal. Do I need to go on?

[baldilocks]

og: Thanks for the offer but no (LOL). I couldn't live with myself.

BA: You're absolutely correct. I'll try to keep my considerable temper in check from now on.

[Emkay]

You're safe, you're lovely and strong inside* and out, and I'm certain God forgives you for mouthin' off. Thanks for this blog.
*'Cause you're woman enough to apologize.

[Skinner]

because of right to carry laws
more people can protect themselves from the meth heads with drivers license Its easy to
get and women especially should
look into it. Not only can you
decrease your chance of becoming a victim You may also happen to be in the same spot when someone
needs youre help Id love to see more women armed and trained in the skills and use of handguns
Im sure the predator scumbag
faction would soon have to think twice Is Oprah would say

you go girls { SORRY}

[wayne]

It is unwise to tempt the psycopathic stupid people.

How I survived my 2 years in Jersey without someone shooting me for trying to maintain my own personal justice area on the road is beyond my understanding.

My worst pet peaves were those who failed to use turn signals and people who tried to cut me off.

I used to own an '85 5th Avenue that was a junker that had bumpers about 1/2" steel (the drivers' head was even thicker!!).

My road rage at idiots went so far one time that when one worthy decided that the shoulder was his own personal passing lane during a long traffic jam, when he tried to cut back in (and cut me off) I rammed his car and pushed it off the road and into a deep ditch on it side.

While all of the clapping, thumbs up's, and honking horns was very satisfying at the time this was a terrible thing to do and I was very lucky the guy wasn't armed. It was a very stupid thing to do.

I have chosen to live very close to my job now so I don't have to drive in traffic and therefore I usually avoid the temptation to rage.

It has taken me a while to deal with my road anger. I do still have mostly-controlled (except for the language) flare-ups.

There are far worse people out there than me. Which is why when some idiot does something rude, just let them go on by. The Lord will eventually deal with the person and it is not worth your life to confront them. What goes around comes around. Don't put yourself into their evil path.

[Ken]

Driving in LA is always an adventure ...

Especially when we get bad weather. By the time rainy season comes around, we've all forgotten how to drive in the rain.

Fog's worse. There are two Angeleno reactions to zero-visibility on the road:
1) Barrel on like all is clear until you ram something.
2) Get paranoid, slow down to about 10, and get rammed.

That is, if you can get up enough speed to "Barrel on" in the first place. Where I am (OC), all the main roads go parking-lot during drive-time.

[Skinner]

This guys right I had a guy in a big macho truck, {small penis syndrome}, Pull in front of me and cut me off then stop thinking hed blocked me off. I going to my nephews baseball game. He must have been to cause he grabbed a baseball bat and came at me like he was gonna kick my ass. The reason he did this ? The prick had been tailgaiting me and I was doing the speed limit So I slowed down about 10 mphs. This was a residential neighborhood and some lady yelled what the hell are you doing Im callin the police. I drove up on the sidewalk and left his sorry ass If Id had a gun I know I wouldve
pulled it on him Its harder thaen hell to resist but you have to Oregon is full of methheads and these dirtbags are dangerous

[benning]

You ain't ugly, Ma'am. Saw your pictures. As a balding, middle-aged, white guy I think I can speak authoritatively on the subject: You're a nice-looking woman.

I DO like a woman in uniform! LOL

[Bunkergurl]

Heh, and here I thought all the idiot drivers were in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area, especially the one who just couldn't wait to cut me off at 7pm last night in a snowstorm, just so he could get onto I-94 from the frontage road first.

I am happy to report that he was awarded a ticket to the State Trooper's Ball shortly afterwards. And I wasn't the only one giving the trooper a thumbs up. Seriously, what is it about adverse weather and stupid driving that go together?

Great blog Baldy, thanks for your service in the AF.

[phil]

"any short-haired, nappy-haired, dark-skinned black woman who hasn’t been called ugly at least a gazillion times in her life needs to get out of the house more often"

ROTFL - you kill me! :-)

Cheers