Baldilocks gave me the keys to her house and what did I do? I went straight to her refrigerator and drank all of her beer. I also ate that thing in the Taco Bell wrapper. I'm not sure what that was, but I believe that it disagreed with me. I didn't find a dog around here, but I'm going to blame that carpet-stain on the dog. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.
Your underwear smells nice, Julliette. Not that I actually SNIFFED IT or anything... I'm just supposing here. Hell, a rolling California blackout happened while I was snooping around your house and I was caught blind in the dark. I thought that was a FLASHLIGHT I found next to your bed, but when I turned it on, I didn't get any light. It BUZZED at me, and I dropped it in panic.
You may need new batteries for that thing when you get home. I think it rolled under the bed, still buzzing.
What does you mama look like? I'm pretty sure that someone shot at me more than once as I was crawling out of your bedroom window last night. That little, sweet-looking woman screamed, "DIE, ACIDMAN!" and really tried to blow my head off. She didn't miss by much, either. It's just a good thing that I'm fast and I have a skinny ass. Otherwise, she woulda nailed me.
You should have warned me ahead of time about these dangers of guest-blogging here.
