Loved and Lost

It might seem a bit presumptuous for a woman who has had to occasionally “bleg” to feel sorry for a billionaire, but I do feel sorry for Teresa Heinz Kerry.

Her first husband, Senator John Heinz, died a fiery, horrifying death. It’s very obvious that she loved the guy.

Her late husband’s friend, Senator John Kerry, comes to her emotional rescue and marries her, but he’s not the man her husband was. Then her second husband does something that—from appearances—she really doesn’t want him to do: run for president.

In that run, Mrs. Kerry has to be constantly inundated with the reminder of what she has lost, personified by her husband’s opponent and his wife: a man and a woman who obviously love each other.

Could the pain of that loss be the origin of this statement?

Well, you know, I don't know Laura Bush. But she seems to be calm, and she has a sparkle in her eye, which is good. But I don't know that she's ever had a real job — I mean, since she's been grown up. So her experience and her validation comes [sic] from important things, but different things. And I'm older, and my validation of what I do and what I believe and my experience is a little bit bigger — because I'm older, and I've had different experiences. And it's not a criticism of her. It's just, you know, what life is about.

Apparently Mrs. Kerry forgot or did not know that Mrs. Bush was employed in the decade before her marriage as a school teacher and a librarian. The former apologizes later for the oversight.

What got me about the first statement was the lack of decorum and graciousness for a woman with which she should have no beef and is nearly universally loved and/or admired, even by those who hate George W. Bush. (At most, Mrs. Bush’s genteel demeanor—typical of Southern women—is mocked as Stepford-like.)

Mrs. Bush has what I suspect that Mrs. Kerry once had, but has no more. Mrs. Kerry once said this about her late husband:

I'd rather have my husband alive than that money.

(Reading that, I feel some sympathy for Senator Kerry as well. Of course it would be easy to speculate on the senator’s deficiencies as a husband here, but not today. What man could live up to the memory of a much-loved dead man?)

For all her billions, Mrs. Kerry can’t bring back the man, who, from her own and all other accounts, was the love of her life. And she knows that.

Is she envious of Mrs. Bush? I don’t know, but I do suspect that Mrs. Kerry has a hard time watching the Bushes interact with each other. I suspect that--during the third presidential debate--she had an even harder time listening to the president talk about falling in love with his wife, while her own husband sang the praises of his mother.

Many commentators were appalled at the uninformed statements, probably including Senator Kerry himself (ironically). But it sounded like a cry of unhappiness to me and it’s painful to watch.

/amateur shrinkage off

Comments

[Fausta]

Very intelligent appraisal, Juliette, as always.

[CGHill]

After the first paragraph, I was ready to laugh; after the last paragraph, I was ready to cry.

More than that, deponent saith not, lest he be perceived as wearing his heart on his sleeve.

[teal marie]

In the last debate, after Kerry jokes about "marrying up", the camera cut to Teresa and she looked miserable, poised to either puke in the aisle or run as far away as her feet could carry her. She realized a camera was on her and altered her expression, but the sadness and weariness were already captured. That joke was at her expense, not unlike Kerry's entire campaign. I feel sorry for her, too. As a special favor to her, I'll vote for Bush.

[Teresa]

I don't consider Ms. H-K to be a stupid woman and so I had wondered about this remark, which is certainly in very poor taste if nothing else. (along with being sure to alienate 99.99% of stay at home mothers)

My theory was, she doesn't want her husband to be president, but she can't directly sabotage the campaign without making a complete spectacle of herself. So, she is, in a more subtle way, undermining his bid to be president. This way, she appears to support him, while actually doing great damage.

In all honesty, after this campaign, (if Kerry wins or loses) I am wondering how long their marriage will last. At the moment it doesn't look good at all and looking from the perspective given to us by the news media, I'd give it about 6 months tops.

(BTW - I find myself totally unable to use Ms. H-K's first name... for obvious reasons *grin*)

[girl]

After the first paragraph, I was ready to laugh; after the last paragraph, I was ready to cry.

me too, CG. I feel sorry for her sometimes, even if she is rich as hell. that marrying up comment was in such poor taste. I can't believe that Shieffer dignified it with such a hearty laugh.

As a special favor to her, I'll vote for Bush.

lol. me too, teal.

I'd give it [JFK and THK's marriage] about 6 months tops [post election].

I'm gonna have to say that I agree. I think it'll be especially so if he loses. I think there'll be more pressure on her to stay in the marriage if he wins. has any President ever gotten a divorce while in office?

[lyle]

In the avalanche of commentary on the subject, your post is the first I've read that brings the focus down to the shape of the human heart.

Many people I know - especially women - were affected by Mr Bush's heartfelt tribute to his wife. Perhaps Teresa was, too. By contrast, Senator Kerry's 'joke' seemed crude, even hurtful. He didn't even refer to his wife by name.

Ten years ago, the woman I loved died suddenly. The pain and loss get submerged under the tides of daily life. They never dissolve or disappear, and they surface unexpectedly at inconvenient moments.

Through the sturm and drang of politics, I think you have managed to recognize something deeply, humanly true. Thanks for calling attention to it.

[Key]

Wow. Interesting perspective, Juliette. I appreciate that.

(...of course she could be miserable AND petty.)

[Pipe Jones®]

I think you nailed it here. If anything Teresa seems much more of a real person than Jean François Kèrry.

[jeff]

This post really touched me too. It's the kind of post that shows that the writer is a decent, compassionate human being.

[baldilocks]

Jeff: It's an act! ;-)

[Nymphe]

That was a lovely post...excellent!

[torchy]

Who the heck knows what motives Ms Heinz-Kerry. Everyone would rather have the comforts of a lost loved one in their lives. How she can even equate that love with a kings ransom in wealth is beyond me. She has to accept the loss and the additional responsibilities that loss demands (in her case the demands of fabulous wealth) and try to love again. She can't have what George and Laura have, or what she once had, but she can settle for half measures. I have no pity for her on that score if that's what she did. I think Teresa has a limited view of who Laura Bush is and is operating from her own mindless prejudices of Texas-Christian wives, not ulterior jealousies for Lauras life accomplishments. You're right that Teresa seems very unhappy with campaign life and perhaps her life in general but she chooses to wallow in the pain, as evidenced by her insensitive comments about others.

THK may just be a nasty and mean-spirited person who looks down on others. Infact, that observation would be consistent with her actions and behavior, Laura Bush aside.

[Ben]

Ya know, the sabotage angle is highly intriguing. Especially in light of Laura's remarks. (Not Karen Hughes' "what about moms? They work" comment.)

""It doesn't matter to me," Mrs. Bush told reporters as she campaigned in the swing state of New Hampshire. "It was perfectly alright. She apologized and she didn't even really need to apologize," Mrs. Bush said.

"I know how tough it is. Actually, I know those trick questions, too," she said."

So, in other words, Laura has accepted Tereza's apology, and excuses her remark as due to the stress of the campaign trail, as well as tricky reporters. Laura has shown just how classy a lady she is.

Ah if I were a tin foil hat wearer, I would almost think that the two gals cooked this up between themselves.

[syn]

Laura Bush is a fine example of female respecting womanhood.

Teresa Kerry is an example of a female- hating feminazi.

[Sgt. Mom]

It might very well be... and I've always hated to hold a woman's taste in men against her. She actually comes off as independent, intelligent, outspoken, and amusing. She appears to have raised well-adjusted and happy children, from what I have read her friends adore her, and she works very hard with the various charitable foundations. Frankly, she sounds like someone who would be a blast to sit out on the back porch and drink daquiris with... but what on earth posessed a woman of such qualities to marry her current husband? Your guess is as good as most, and I have wondered myself if she isn't unconsciously sabotaging the campaign.

[Helen]

Great analysis, Juliet.

I would imagine that Kerry caught TH at a weak moment. She was in grief, still is, if the look at the last debate is any indicator. GWB talks about his wife, and she thinks about her man who loved HER. So, she, thinking that Kerry was a man, perhaps like her husband, and perhaps wanting to be held, consented to the marriage.

Like you all, I don't think it will last. From what we saw at the start of the campaign, I'm inclined to think that his campaign is what saved him from being cash and kerry once again.

[bleedingbrain]

Hi Julliette,

Nice post.

If I may push the amateur psycho-analysis a step further, I wonder if Kerry's run for the presidency is an attempt to attain a higher office than that held by his wife's ex-husband. Perhaps he feels that if he became President, he would gain the respect and affection of his wife that she has thus far been unable to give him. If he were President, she would cease to view him as an appendage and begin to see him as a man who adds value to her life.

/amateur psycho-analysis

[red]

I think you're onto something here, Juliette. Very interesting analysis.

[Cricket]

Personally, I think she doesn't want to be the First Lady. Maybe that is what all the sniping is about.

Maybe too, she can see what JFK is all about.
That alone would account for her distress.

[Donna]

I wanted to respond to the comment above that Theresa equates love with a king's ransom. I get nearly the opposite from her remark about the money - that it's meaningless in comparison to life.

And now I want to say that the more proximate cause of the dissing of Laura was John Kerry's callousness toward Theresa during the first and third debates. He humiliated her worse than Clinton humiliated Hillary.

[betsybounds]

Who knows what evil (or anything else) lurks in the heart of men (or women)? My impression is that THK doesn't love Dude much. She can't seem to bear to have him hug her, she doesn't turn towards him at all, and his kisses seem to make her wince.

Can't blame her much--they would me, too.

Anyway I think she's a hoot. Not that that's any particular qualification for being First Lady.

[torchy]

Donna- I believe you were addressing my remark. Feel free to address me directly. I think Teresas remark that she'd "rather have my husband alive than that money" was sort of opportunustic in that it attempted to slay two dragons that haunt her, her relations with wealth and marriage. She volunteered the comparison. It answers a question I doubt anyone would've wanted to ask, whether she'd choose her ex-husband or his wealth. I also doubt that she'd commit social suicide and admit to choosing his wealth. Sacrificing fabulous wealth isn't that great of a gesture to love, in my mind. A desire to gain the sun and the moon and the stars, a willingness to give all continually rather than lose alot momentarily, for loves sake, is the greater gesture. Alive or dead she'd still have access to his wealth so its not a realistic choice anyway. The question is how much more would she give if he could somehow be resurrected. Don't mean to be excessively cynical about Teresas motives but something about that statement didn't sit right with me, seemed almost staged.

[baldilocks]

torchy: It would have seemed staged had Mrs. Kerry made that statement not long after first husband's death (he was not her "ex-husband.")

However, she made the statement a mere four months ago. That's what gave me some sympathy for Senator Kerry.

I should have noted the timing in the post.