No Quiche-Eaters

Thanks for the link, Ilyka, and the implied compliment.

As for the subject matter, however, as they say in my neighboring environs, “I ain’t even trippin.’”

Having been in the military, I was around a larger cross-section of men than the average woman and from that I’ve come to this earth-shaking conclusion: men and women are different. Live it, learn it, love it. Or at least accept it. Their respective attention is drawn by different things. Those things may overlap in some areas and be divergent in others, but, on average, the difference is in evidence plainly enough.

Our wonderful guys are visual creatures. That’s why their heads reflexively turn when something pretty walks by, not because they’re going to leave you for said pretty something. I, for one, like them that way. You average guy has a tendency to give precedence to a pretty female face framed by long, beautiful hair over a hard masculine one with short hair? Well, duh. (Keep in mind that these words are coming from a woman who has her head shaved every so often.) If a guy likes me for my face—or other stuff--I’m certainly not going to wish it were otherwise. However, if said gentleman thinks that there’s nothing behind my outer self, he’s in for an awakening. Whether it’s a rude one or not is not my problem.

Speaking of men and their manliness, this morning Dennis Prager mentioned this fantastic article, written by Florida minister Doug Giles, about why more women attend church than men.

Lose the Church’s “I’m in therapy for ever” feel. Yes, yes, we’re all a work in progress but the co-dependant, extended womb the Church has wrongfully created has allowed congregants to not get a life because of some difficult doo-doo in their lives. Sure life’s hard, little Sally, and the sooner, we celebrate the struggle the quicker we will draw men back to our houses of worship. [SNIP]

One last word for the young Christian man: Do you want to grow up quickly? Then leave mommy’s familiar, safe haven and venture out into the danger zone. As Leon Podles said, Go find your Holy Grail; go meet the strange, meet the unfamiliar. Protect people; lead people; rescue people. Fight inequities and absurdities. Beware, young man, of parents and pastors who want to ‘mother’ you. Avoid the secure; Fear over-protection; and happily accept the masculine task of the patriarch, the prophet, the warrior and wild man.

I’d been thinking the same thing for some time now. Oh and, btw, Pastor Giles is rather easy on the eyes. :-D He even uses a slang word for men that I’ve used in the past. See if you can spot it.

Women: men are not large, hairier versions of us. If a woman wants that, she should try an “alternative lifestyle.” Not down with that? Me neither. So stop complaining when guys act like guys and not like your best girlfriend.

Comments

[La Shawn Barber]

Celebrate the differences! I learned long ago that men are visual creatures. I was finally convinced it was natural for them to turn their heads when something pretty walked by when I noticed all kinds of men doing it: black, white, Asian, Hispanic, young, old, married, single.

While I don't think it's instinctual for me to do so, my eyes tend to linger over a nice set of pecs or a really handsome face. We behold beauty!

[keggin]

He even uses a slang word for men that I’ve used in the past.

Tripod?

[baldilocks]

La Shawn: Amen, sister.

keggin: Yep.

[Indigo]

Phooey, Keggin! You beat me to it. I'm Late - but on spot. Good blog too, J. I'm sending it e-mail to a couple of gals at sea! (not militarily!)

[og]

LOL! Haven't heard that on in YEARS. Worked with a guy they called The Tripod once, and I showered with him (and 340 other men) so I know WHY.

If the Lord didn't make women to be admired, why did he make them so nice to look at?

[House of Payne]

I love you, Baldilocks. Reading your last paragraph made me think of something. (I think I've read something like this before but I don't know who to credit.) Thought: one of the most powerful arguments for a traditional family is that men and women are so different that daily interaction requires compromise. I'm a bachelor right now, and I live with other guys. They act the way I expect them to. I don't have to think about them. I can be totally self-centered. When I go home, or I visit my married sister, or have a girlfriend, I am constantly confronted with someone whose entire way of thinking is alien to me. The continual struggle to comprehend the women in my life and to live happily with them forces me to think of others-- their needs and desires, etc. And it's good, and I'm glad. Thanks for being different, girls. Vive la difference.

[Aaron's Rantblog]

I was listening to Prager, too, and if I was Christian, I might consider moving to South Florida! :-)

It's not just churches. Synagogues (Conservative and Reform) are focused more on egalitarianism than observance, too. (I go to an Orthodox synagogue in Los Angeles.)

See my My Dhimmicratic So-Called Co-Religionists - An Email.

[Cassandra]

I find men refreshingly direct and honest about what they want. At least I always know where they're coming from - with women I am never quite sure.

The few women I am close to are all (to a "man") very direct, in spite of being very feminine in other respects.

I've learned so much from my husband over 25 years of marriage and I think he's learned from me - we have both taken on some aspects of each other's personalities. I've become more pragmatic and assertive and he's become more imaginative and adaptable. At the risk of being nauseating, he really is my closest friend. I treasure our differences, even though I sometimes find them infuriating.

[birdwoman]

I'm in the computer industry, so I, too, am in with many more guys than gals. And I agree with all the comments. In fact, I find myself having more fun surrounded with guy coworkers than the few times I've had to work solely with females!! Kinda like cats vs dogs, as the old adage goes. Cats are solitary for the most part, and dogs are pack animals. Not that women don't hang together (in fact, try to get most women to go to the WC alone!), but in a work setting, women seem to be more... picky about hanging with people. Guys are more accepting.

As far as the church thing goes, I do see that a church needs to be less cloyingly emotive. Sometimes you can smell the estrogen in the air! But churches that appeal to men more seem (in my experience) to press the "subservience" of women more. Sorry. Not doing that. Women are different, but not lesser. I won't give a minute or a dime to anyone who preaches otherwise.

[Arnold]

Although my wife doesn't ogle men as much as I ogle women, she's a lot more overt when she does. We were in the gym once in the middle of a conversation when a "well-developed" guy walked by. She stopped in mid-sentence, her eyes got big and she said "KaPOW!"

[Dean Esmay]

You know it feels rude to bring race into this, but it's worth mentioning I think: if you look at black and hispanic culture in the U.S., women who consider themselves "feminist," in the "women are oppressed and gender differences are primarily socially induced" meaning of the term, are narly nonexistent. It's also not found much amongst po white trash. Indeed, it seems to be almost entirely a phenomenon of middle class white women, most often upper middle class white women. A few who come up hard, yes. But you look at it culturally and it's astounding to see the difference. Women who call themselves "feminists" tend to get snorted at by black and hispanic women, to get eye rolls from them even.

I find this interesting, but I've seen it many times. Camille Paglia's remarked on it too.

The whys and wherefores are interesting to contemplate.

Every time I've written on this issue I've drawn a lot of ire, but i sense another essay coming on it anyway. Fact of the matter is that we know now, we know, there are differences in brain structure and chemistry between the sexes. We know--we know--from cross-cultural studies of child development that little boys and little girls show marked differences even as far back as the womb in certain terms, and certainly in early child development, even as tiny toddlers before they can even talk.

I think the thing that folks like Ilyka miss-and I do quite like her, by the way, always have, even when she's yelled at me--is that there was a time when we tended to try to force those gender differences. Like treat someone who didn't fit that mold in negative ways to try to force them. Like we had to MAKE girls like pretty dresses and not be tomboys, or whatever.

See, a more mature attitude, to me, is to say yeah that there are sex differences, but if you want to be unusual, you want to be exceptional, cool. There's nothing wrong with a chick who wants to work on cars and drink beer and watch football. There's nothing wrong with James Lileks staying home with his kid while his wife goes to work every day. That's just fine. We don't have to treat those folks like freaks. But that doesn't make differences go away either.

My wife loves watching sports, especially hockey. I don't give a rat's ass about sports. I mean any sport. I just don't watch 'em, just don't care. That make me less of a man? That make her butch? Yeah, what the hell ever. We're just who we are.

But let me tell ya, it's definitely a WOMAN I'm married to, spiritually and psychically, and not a "person with different genitalia." Nope, nope. She's a chick all right, with many of the lovely personality traits that tend to come with that, and many of the annoying ones too. ;-)

[Leah Guildenstern]

I just had to thank you for pointing out the article by minister Doug Giles. LOL. I think all of the prior commentors stated any great insights I could offer to the discussion, so I guess this is just a long thanks!

[Rae]

J-(hands hurting from applause)well said!

It reminds me of something Elisabeth Elliot said in her book, Let Me Be a Woman. She admonishes the reader to remember three things: 1) You marry a man. 2)You marry a sinner. 3)You marry a husband. She says that too many women act like they really wanted to marry a woman as they seemingly expect their man to act like one. They whine about his imperfections while ignoring and/or justifying their own. We are all imperfect before our God. Stop casting the stones! Marriage has expectations, fulfil yours and let him do the same. Stop requiring him to be a wife and allow him to be the husband.

Thanks for your gentle reminder.

[Sara]

Just meandered over here from John Hawkin's site to see what was posted on this wonderful blog war. I think I may well love you. You've managed to put into nice literate words things I've been thinking for years, but could only stutter about in outrage. Thanks.